There are large differences between East and West. And one significant area of difference is how relationships play themselves out - particularly in how they handle disagreements over ideas...

Westerners can disagree and debate hard against others' ideas, but still be 'okay' with one another. That's because rejecting someone's ideas doesn't necessarily mean rejecting that someone as a person. Consider how, in the West, debating is considered a fun and enjoyable pastime. People can engage in vigorous debate but still remain friends!

However Easterners can't do this. When Easterners disagree openly with someone else's ideas, they feel they are disagreeing with the whole person. As a result you sometimes have people who may be smiling and nodding politely - while all the time being vehemently opposed to the ideas being aired. Because disagreements can't be handled openly, instead they are sorted out behind closed doors where no one can see the disagreement taking place. This is to preserve harmony and the face of everyone involved.

And as long as Westerners are talking to Westerners, and Easterners are talking to Easterners, that's all okay. Because by and large, people are comfortable 'playing' by the rules of their own culture.

However problems crop up when Easterners are talking to Westerners... When that happens, all of a sudden Easterners are horrified that Westerners would speak to them (or others) in such a manner that they do - not realising that the mode of communication doesn't necessarily have to convey a lack of respect or concern for the person. And Westerners are disgusted by the manipulative back-handed manner of dealing of their Easterners, who will not discuss things openly nor allow their ideas to be tested - not realising that behind this may be a concern to preserve face and harmony.

We should also note that Easterners aren't completely on about harmony and face-saving in every circumstance. No, this only applies in cases where equal disagrees with equal. If, however, a superior disagrees with a subordinate, they will not hesitate to let their opposition be known. Instead they will cut down the other person abruptly, with little concern for their face. Consider how a parent might not hesitate to scold their fifteen year-old child in public!

In all this as well, we should be aware that the Eastern and Western way of doing things, though they could be interpreted in a positive light (openly debating ideas, or preserving harmony) - can also be a cover-up for evil. A Westerner might actually hate his opponent - and oppose their ideas with full force - as an outlet of his hatred. And an Easterner might insist on debating ideas behind closed doors instead of in the open - because they fear their ideas cannot not stand up to scrutiny, or out of concern for their own face!

[ PS: how does this make sense of some cross-cultural conflicts you have observed? ]